Of course nothing in the real world is ever as good as we hope. While I have tried hard to focus on the positive in this blog and even make my young cooking school colleagues appear in their finest light, every bushel of apples, even in Italy, contains a few who are happy to spoil things for everyone.
So, readers, are you intrigued? After a full month of one positive post after another is Carl finally ready to expose the truth and enlighten his 100 plus readers a day, including numerous parents and friends of fellow students, with some interesting morsels of spoiled meat among the mounds of amazing fresh pasta and barrels of 25 year old Balsamic Vinegar, so good that it has the ability to cause fluid to gently seep from the corner of a grown man’s eye? On the other hand, perhaps I should wait. Wait, as I did two weeks ago, and see if the bad apples; the pieces of spoiled meat and those, that despite the unpleasant odor, do not mind standing next to them day after day, perhaps because they mistakenly believe, due to their lack of life experience, that a spoiled apple or a chunk of gangrenous flesh has the ability, like a bottle of fine wine, to improve with the passage of time.
Moreover, of course “who the hell am I” (yes several have actually said that to me) to even attempt to enlighten them to the sorry and unfortunate truth about their fellow students. Those they would never emulate but none-the-less vigorously defend? Am I their father? Or even a lowly uncle? Or even worse, am I the lowest of the low, the foam (the word for foam in Italian is schiuma), am I the scum of the parental food chain, the dreaded stepfather who is barely tolerated and never listened to?
No. I am writing this as fellow student. A fellow student who has spent tens of thousands dollars for the privilege of having this opportunity to learn as much as possible about something I am passionate about, at an amazing place, in an amazing county, from an amazing teacher who has now, been required, twice in two short weeks, to interrupt the teaching and the learning to attempt to teach a few students the simple concept of respect.
Several of my young colleagues, whom I have heretofore, treated with ample respect have told me, after I have attempted to exert subtle and sometimes not so subtle “peer pressure” on these bad apples in hopes of avoiding the scene we all grew accustomed to in NY where these same bad apples angered the Chef to the extent of causing minor explosions of temper and rage damaging the learning experience for all of us. The “peer pressure” I typically attempted to assert involved the use of three simple words, a mere ten letters in total, “knock it off” followed but the name of the offender. Several of these students, whom I have treated with respect, have told me quite seriously that it is “not my place” to even attempt to prevent the gangrenous tissue, (my words, not theirs) from spreading.
Of course, when a youngster, less than half my age, with less than half my formal education and far less than that in the way of life experience, tells me it is “not my place” I know immediately that “it is my place” because the instincts and judgment in matters such as these of mere teenagers plus two, four or even six years, is like the lowly mixture of grape must and juice with a mere two, four or six years in the barrel. For those of you who do not understand the analogy I will say that while this youthful grape mixture has the potential to become Balsamic Vinegar it is really nothing at all at 2, 4, or 6 years of age. In fact it must be aged a minimum of 12 years before it is even eligible to be tested.
Several of these youngsters have told me with “absolute certainty” the type of absolute certainty that only a person so young can possess that “only the Chef Instructor” can say anything to these bad apples.
To that I say “balderdash” “twaddle” “rubbish” “baloney” and “tripe”. (Yes tripe, which we have actually cooked several times, is a synonym for “balderdash”.
In my humble opinion, the Chef Instructor is paid to teach us sophisticated Italian cooking techniques, skills, to hopefully share with us a few of his secrets and of course a few recipes as well. I am certain that Alma’s job description for a Chef Instructor does not include characteristics such as “he/she must be able to effectively and repeatedly rebuke and/or admonish and/or chew out ignorant American students when they fail to show proper respect for the instructor and their classmates.”
And why, do you ask, does such critically important language not appear in the job description of an Alma Chef? Perhaps it is because none-of-us, even the youngest, is under the age of five. Or perhaps it is because we or in many instances I suspect, our mothers and fathers have shelled out $40,000.00 + in tuition alone, not to mention the significant incidental expenses of attending one of the finest culinary schools on the planet, which happens to be located in Italy. And who in their right mind would desire to waste that much money?
QUERY: Could it be or perhaps, is it possible, and not a mere oversight, that such language is not included in the Chef’s job description because it is ASSUMED that every student in the class already knows how to behave? Wasn’t that concept taught, after all, in American kindergartens, grade schools, middle schools and high schools? How is it possible that some students still do not know this after all this time? Are they perhaps missing a certain genome, a string of essential DNA or perhaps they are just suffering from a delayed developed of the “frontal lobe” that regulates this important human attribute?
What mystifies me most is that some, otherwise honest, decent and I believe inherently good fellow students, who no doubt possess adequate DNA in their own right are willing to aggressively defend the right of the knuckleheads among us to disrupt the class, interrupt the teaching and hence the learning that we have all paid so dearly for.
I for one have not stood with my hands in my pockets and will not stand with my hands in my pockets now and allow the hard earned dollars, I sacrificed many hours of my life to earn and save, to be wasted because of the few, unfortunately defended by the many. (I am pleased to report that in the past several days, since I wrote the first draft of this post; several other students have made it clear that they agree with me. To them I give heartfelt thanks.)
Here are a couple of maxims that are as true today as they have ever been in history.
They are:
“IF YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE SOLUTION YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.”
“LEAD, FOLLOW OR GET OUT OF THE WAY”.
“ALL THAT IT TAKES FOR EVIL TO TRIUMPH IS FOR GOOD MEN TO DO NOTHING”
Of course, I have to modify the final maxim to more closely fit our circumstances because we are not dealing with evil, just knuckleheads, so this final maxim, as I see it, should read:
“ALL THAT IT TAKES FOR THE FEW IMBECILES AMONG US TO RUIN THE ALMA EXPERIENCE FOR ALL OF US IS FOR GOOD YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN TO ACT LIKE THE DON’T GIVE A DAMN.”
And when I imply that we should all do something am I suggesting to my fellow students to assist me in chasing down and capturing the offenders and then to help me slowly push bamboo shoots under their fingernails in hopes of getting the message across?
To that assertion I shout an emphatic NO! All I ask of my fellow students is to inflict upon the offenders a disapproving glance and perhaps take their hands out of their pockets and fold them across their chest in a serious way as a method of communicating to the knuckleheads that they disapprove of their behavior and how it disrespects the Chef and the rest of us. And for those of my fellow students who do not believe at their tender age that they possess the ability to cast such a stern expression, consider the lowly hare and the lowly bird and the face of a mere child.
So I am done with this soliloquy and perhaps a few other things and people as well. Chef Bruno has promised to send the offenders home if they act up again. I for one hope he does so and quick. Then of course young Ragazzi you may be faced with another difficult dilemma. What will you do or say when the offenders falsely yet aggressively accuse the Chef of overreacting or singling them out or picking on them unjustly? I hope this is not a tough question for you to find an answer to!
Lastly for anyone who might misinterpret my words as being critical of the fine institution I am attending, no I think this place is amazing from top to the bottom. I appreciate everyone I have met. I am only critical of those who crossed the Atlantic and a good portion of the Mediterranean as well, from West to East, landing in Milano the same day as I who either fall into the category of a “bad apple” or those who no doubt are upset that I have the nerve to write this.
P.S. If there is a need to write of this topic again do not assume by the absence of first and last names in this missive that my computer lacks such capacity or that due to my advanced years I have forgotten the names of those of whom I write. The absence of names is a gift you may want to hold firmly to your breast.
Well written and so so RIGHT! Keep it up Carl!
This is great! The old lawyer emerges, if only briefly. Reminds me of some of our law cases. You do have a righteous indignation which is always powerful and compelling. And sometimes, even more often than not, you’re right. And you’ve never been unwilling take a position and to scuffle while dealing with the challenge.
I don’t think its a bad thing though that you’re calling the young chef’s out, and making this situation part of your interesting blog. It is piece of the whole experience and your chronicle of it. It’s just interesting to see the active voice appear. Hope it works out.
Take ’em out by any means available. Don’t waste another moment. Treat it as the larceny that it is.
Before making a judgment it would be nice to know what the other part say, think or interpret about the situation.
They are the doomed and they will return to fromever they’re from to join the culture of the zoo, where they will only ever rise to the level of feeding those who only eat to perform for their masters.
You, Carl, may, if your blessings continue, slip through the bars of the zoo, as you are learning all the ingredients –what they are and where they are– and you will learn how to use them. You will become a chef. It’s not a birthright, the silliest of Their presumptions. It’s an art, or at least a craft.
They will always sleep in squalor within three feet of the moon!
Wow, your experience is so much like my own. There are 19 of us in my class and I am the oldest and most experienced, and I, like you, refrained from participating in the ridiculous behavior they displayed on a daily basis…..you are much more civilized in your criticisms than I. By the time I left Colorno, I was ready, like your friend Flip, to take ’em all out….:-O
I can tell you that after 2 months here in Metaurilia di Fano enjoying peace (for the most part), I am not looking forward to the 3 days I have to spend with the Neanderthals again. Why are the youth of today so incredibly stupid? I look back on my youth and question myself….was I like that too?
I look forward to meeting you Carl. Ciao- Pati